7 Signs to End a Friendship Even With Your Best Friend
How to Avoid Losing a Friend to Someone You Hate
Friendships, like people, grow and change. During one school year, you and your friend may be inseparable. But when the next one starts, you may discover that your friend made another friend, a person you don’t like. This can be extremely upsetting and frustrating. By figuring out your feelings and strengthening your friendship, you may be able to stay connected to your friend.
Working through Your Emotions
Let go of the need to control the outcome.We all wish we could have control over people in our lives sometimes! This is, however, impossible. You can’t stop your friend from making other friends. You can’t control who your friend hangs out with.
- Practice mindful meditation. To get better at letting go and accepting whatever happens, try learning to meditate. Mindfulness meditation has a lot of proven benefits, but for your purposes, it can help you be comfortable with uncomfortable feelings.
- Letting go of the desire to control other people is a lifelong process. Everyone feels this way! Being aware of this feeling can help you manage it.
Stay calm and positive.Try your best to have a good attitude in a tough situation. The only thing you can control is your reaction.
- Look at this situation as a learning opportunity and a chance for growth.
- Look for the bright side. Maybe your friend spending more time with this new person means you have more time to pursue your own interests. Maybe your friend finally has a buddy to watch horror movies with them, which is good, since you hate horror movies!
- Just as you can’t control other people’s actions, they cannot control yours. Think of what a powerful message staying calm, peaceful, and positive sends to your friends and peers.
Figure out your feelings.Knowing what you are feeling can help you figure out what to do next. For example, if you are confused about why your friend is hanging out with this person, you can have a conversation. If you are angry, maybe you want to take a few days to calm down before addressing it.
- Keep a journal. A journal is a safe, private place where you can let all your frustration and crazy feelings out. Writing things down helps you make sense of what you are feeling and can bring some clarity to the situation.
- Talk to someone. Talk to an adult you trust about what you are feeling. Almost everyone has experienced friendship drama growing up and can understand what you are feeling. Talking to someone helps you feel supported and not alone.Just be careful talking to other friends if you are worried what you are saying could get back to your friend and the other person.
- Knowing what you are feeling also helps you take care of yourself.Are you stressed out about your friendship problems? You can exercise to help reduce stress. Are you sad? Have a good cry with someone you trust.
Figure out why you dislike this person.Have they done something to you in the past? Have you noticed bullying behavior? Or are you simply jealous of a new person spending so much time with one of your favorite people? Knowing why you do not like the person may help you decide what to do next.
Put yourself in your friend’s shoes.Imagine the roles are reversed and you have met a really fun, interesting new friend. But your old friend doesn’t like your new one, and is worried about losing you. How does that make you feel, and what would you do about it?
- This helps you develop empathy for your friend. Empathy means being able to understand the feelings of another. It helps strengthen relationships and increases cooperation.
Strengthening your Friendship
Have an honest conversation.If you're worried or unhappy about your friendship, the best way to air your concerns and then deal with them is by talking about them with your friend.Talk to them when the two of you are alone, and you are calm, in control of your emotions, and able to name what you are feeling.
- Indicate why you are worried, and give them a few examples of times when you felt that you were losing them to the new person. You could say, “It really upset me when you and Emily went shopping last week. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t invited. We used to go shopping together all the time.”
- Give your friend a chance to respond. Listen to their feelings and thoughts about your friendship, and trust what they are saying. A good friend will reassure you and want you to feel better about this; however, you should be prepared to hear what you might not want to: that your friend is going to continue this other friendship.
- Avoid questioning loyalty or friendship. Make sure you express that you love and trust your friend. Try saying, “You’ve been such a great friend to me. I know things are a bit different now, but I still love you and value our friendship.”
Accept this new friendship.As much as you might not like it, your friend is their own person and can be friends with whomever they wish — even people you don't like. It's okay if you struggle with this — acceptance can be hard — but remember that you don't have control over other people's actions. They are making decisions based on their lives and what makes them happy, and what makes them happy might be different from what makesyouhappy.
- Acceptance is a decision that you make — you can choose to fight against things over which you have no control, essentially running yourself into a brick wall, or you can choose to accept your friend made the decision they thought was best for them.
Give your friend some space.It’s okay to have some distance from someone. Do not smother your friend or be clingy. This will push them away.
- If you know your friend is out with the person you don’t like, resist the urge to text constantly.
- If your friend tells you what they did with the new friend, resist the urge the find out all the details. Rather than saying, “What did you guys talk about?” you could say, “I’m really glad you had a great time!”
Continue to be there for your friend.Be there for the good times as well as the bad. You might be angry that your friendship has changed, but you can still be involved supportive.
- Go places together, do fun things, have parties and sleepovers, and hang out at each other’s houses.
- Provide a listening ear on a bad day.
Managing Your Social Life
Hang out with your friend’s new friend.If the only reason you don’t like this is that you are jealous of the new friendship, it is worth hanging out with them (alone and/or with your friend) and giving them a chance. You may find out that they are a great person!
- If you have tried to get to know this person and you just don’t get along well, back off. In that case, it is best to distance yourself from your friend when the two of them hang out together, and find time for just you and your friend instead.
- Remember that true friends like you for who you are. You shouldn’t have to change or act a certain way in order to get in their good graces.
- Make sure you are still polite to the new person. You never know, the two of you may like each other someday!
- If you feel that the new person is bullying you or your friend, make sure you talk to an adult.
Rise above the drama.Don’t gossip about your friend or the new person, in person or online. You will make things worse.
- Always assume what you say about someone will get back to them.
- If other people ask you why you’re not hanging out with your friend as much, you could smile and say, “We’re just doing different things right now.” Don’t feel like you need to go into detail.
Make new friends.It isn’t healthy to depend on one friend for everything, after all. Start hanging out with some other nice people and see if you make some good connections!
QuestionSometimes I do these things but firstly, the person I hate follows us around everywhere. I can't get him to go away. Second, my friend is easily influenced by anyone so he just gets pulled in to other people's business. This person I hate won't go away and I can't be around him. What should I do?
M.A, Clinical Mental Health CounselingM.A, Clinical Mental Health CounselingExpert AnswerIt sounds like the person you hate actually wants you to like him. He follows you everywhere. I wonder if you attempted friendship with him if he would calm down a bit and not try so hard to gain your attention? If this person is truly someone you can’t get along with and avoiding him is not sending a clear message, then you need to tell him. Have a kind and honest conversation letting him know exactly what you do and do not want from him. As far as your friend, he can make his own choices. I know you’re concerned about him being pulled into other people’s business, but that might be something he is willing to do to further a relationship. Either way, you can not control who your friend chooses to be friends with. Focus on your time with your friend while maintaining your boundaries with the person you hate.Thanks!
QuestionI have a friend who is always mad at me for no reason, then the next week, is nice to me again. I think another girl is saying mean stuff about me. What should I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerTry to spend some more time with him/her. Ask her if anything is bothering her. When she is hanging around with the other girl, try to be there so they won't say anything bad.Thanks!
QuestionHow can I get my friends to respect me?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerRemember that respect is earned. Be a good friend, tell the truth, make time for your friends and be kind to gain their respect.Thanks!
QuestionHow do I stop my friend from becoming friends with someone I hate?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerTalk to them about your concerns. If they're actually your friend, they'll understand. I'm in a similar position, and it's worked for me. Tell them why you hate this person, it's probably a decent reason. They'll understand and back off.Thanks!
QuestionMy friend is awesome and her friend is annoying. Every time we make inside jokes, she always goes to tell the annoying friend. How do I get the annoying one out of my group?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIt can be frustrating to have to deal with a person you don't like. But try to be the bigger person and continue to include the person who gets on your nerves. You don't have to be best friends, but continue being polite to the annoying person. Trying to exclude that person may create problems for you down the road.Thanks!
QuestionHow do I deal with losing a friend?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerThanks!
QuestionHow do I get my best friend to realize the friend she is replacing me with isn't a good person? If I tell her the truth will she tell the person what I said?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerAsk your friend if they are upset with you. If that isn't the issue, continue to be supportive of them even though you do not appreciate her choices. To answer your other question, there is a chance she would tell the person what you said.Thanks!
QuestionMy best friend is getting along with a person who is my ex-friend. I've managed to keep my best friend from him till now, but I'm not sure what to do at this point. Any advice?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerHonestly, you may want to just try to patch things up with your ex-friend rather than trying to drive a wedge between the two of them and potentially losing your other friend in the process.Thanks!
QuestionMy best friend's other friend is very annoying and self-centered. He's always hanging out with my best friend and I'm always being left out and treated like a third wheel around them. What can I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerTalk to your friend about this in private. You can either tell him that you don't want to hang out with this other friend anymore and you'd prefer to just spend time together one on one, or you can ask him to talk to his friend about being nicer to you.Thanks!
QuestionMy two friends are hanging out with my old friend. We still got along but weren't close. It's like she's trying to impress my other friends to turn them against me and it's been working sometimes. What do I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerTalk to your friends on how you're feeling, then after that try seeing your not-so-close friend's view and talk to her also. Maybe you can all be friends again.Thanks!
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