How to speak so that people want to listen | Julian Treasure
How to Become Popular by Using Good Communication Skills
Making an Effort to Socialize
Look approachable.When you are in public or at a social event, you want people to feel comfortable initiating a conversation with you. Avoid isolating yourself in the back of the room or staying on a cell phone the whole time. Instead, acknowledge the people around you by saying ‘hello’ or smiling when they notice you. You should also make an effort to keep your arms and legs uncrossed, as crossing them makes you look protective and unapproachable.
Be friendly.Simply being polite is not the same as socializing. You need to actively move the conversation forward. Engage others beyond just saying ‘hi’ or introducing yourself. Ask them questions about themselves and answer any questions they have about you.
- For example, if you meet someone at a social event and exchange introductions, you could follow that introduction with a question like “So, what brings you here tonight?”
Lighten the mood.When you are nervous, it is likely that the other person (or people) that you are talking to are just as nervous. You can ease the tension by using some light humor, or even pointing out that it’s uncomfortable. If you do tell a joke, make sure that it is a friendly, non-offensive joke.
- For example, jokes that single out or make fun of a particular group of people or ideas is likely to offend someone around you.
Practice regularly.The best way to get good at socializing is to practice. Start with close friends and family, and then slowly move outside your comfort zone. The more time you spend socializing with other people, the more confident you will become in your ability to do it well.
- For example, start by socializing with your friends at school. Then, move to having a conversation with someone in the cafeteria that you don’t know that well. Finally, you could move to having a conversation with a stranger at something like a school basketball game.
Keep good posture.Popularity is very dependent on your confidence level. If you have poor posture, it sends the message to others that you have low confidence. To fix this, stand or sit up straight and keep your arms and legs uncrossed. This will show that you are confident and approachable.
- Being confident will show people that you like yourself. This makes them feel like they can trust you and that they will like you, too.
Make eye contact.Another clear sign of confidence is the ability to maintain eye contact with another person. When you are speaking or listening to someone, look them in the eye. Avoid distractions like cell phones or other people walking by. If you are speaking to multiple people, make sure to make eye contact with each person.
- For example, if you ask your teacher a question, make eye contact with them.
- If you are speaking in front of your class, make eye contact with each person before you are finished speaking.
Speak clearly.To speak in a confident way, you will need to speak loud enough for anyone listening to hear you. A conversational tone is perfect if you are speaking to one person across the table, but if you are speaking to a crowd you will need to project your voice. Use concise sentences to get straight to your point and avoid filler words like “Um” and “Uh.”
- An example of a concise sentence would be “I think that everyone should ski at least once.” Something like “Well, skiing is fun, but I don’t know if people really know that,” is not concise.
Take care of appearance.To be confident, you need to feel comfortable in your own skin. Practice good hygiene habits such as regular bathing and brushing your teeth. Be sure that you dress appropriately for the occasion, as well. Being over or underdressed can cause you to feel uncomfortable around others.
- For example, you wouldn’t wear a suit and tie to a Superbowl party with friends (usually). You also wouldn’t wear a T-shirt to a wedding (usually).
Listen to other people.When someone else is talking, you should be paying close attention. Focus on what they are saying and the meaning behind their words instead of thinking about what you want to say next. Maintain eye contact with the person, and give subtle gestures like leaning forward or raising your eyebrows to show that you are interested.
Offer help.One good way to make connections with people is to help them. Making yourself available to someone else is a great way to bond with someone you don’t know. This is crucial to being popular, since you will need to expand your circle of friends quite a bit to reach such an elevated social status.
- For example, you could offer to help a new friend clean up after their birthday party.
- You could also offer to help someone study or let them see your notes from a class.
Ask for help.In addition to helping other people, you can bond by letting them help you. Avoid being needy or pushy, but ask someone you’ve met recently to help you with a small task. They will feel valued and appreciated by the request.
- For example, you could ask a new acquaintance to help you move your desk around the room.
- Avoid asking for money. This can make people question your intentions.
Avoid spontaneous reactions.Connecting with other people requires thoughtful, considerate communication. This means that you should really think about what you are going to say to the other person, especially if you are upset for some reason. A spontaneous reaction to a comment or action by the other person could make them upset with you. It could also make other people feel like you are too quick to fly off the handle.
- For example, if someone says something you find insulting, you should not immediately start screaming at them. Instead, take a deep breath and explain to them calmly why their comment was inappropriate. You might say something like “I think that you should consider how something like that might make other people feel. I was very uncomfortable with what you said.”
QuestionHow do I learn to prevent spontaneous reactions?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerSome spontaneous reactions are inevitable and cannot really be prevented. Just make sure you pause and think through the potential repercussions of anything you are about to say or do.Thanks!
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Date: 01.12.2018, 09:55 / Views: 31265