What Is Your Fetish?
How to Enjoy Your Fetish
A fetish is when a person is sexually aroused by certain objects, body parts, or situations that are not usually considered sexual by the mainstream culture. Anything can be a fetish, and having a sexual fetish is not uncommon. To enjoy your fetish, start by accepting that it's a natural part of your sexual desire, and learn to communicate your sexual needs openly with your partner.
Learning to Accept Your Fetish
Identify your fetish.A fetish can be a sexual desire regarding almost anything imaginable. People have fetishes about feet, breasts, hands, fat stomachs, flatulence, amputated limbs, shoes, animals, animal furs, and thousands of other things. Learning to accept your fetish starts with identifying ways you are sexually aroused.
- More men than women are thought to have fetishes, but this estimate is likely misleading. Because men tend to experience erections and consistent ejaculation, women and genderqueer people are less often identified as having fetishes in research studies.
- At least 1/4 of the adult videos produced in the US depict fetishes.
Consider whether your fetish harms anyone.While there's nothing wrong with having a fetish, it is never okay to cause harm to another person or yourself. Most of the time, fetishes do not result in harm to other people. Harm to yourself can happen primarily if you become so fixated on your fetish that it interferes with your relationship, your work, or your health.
- Masturbating to fetishes might be a safe way to participate in certain fetishes that can't actually be safely practiced (such as sex with animals).
- If you have a fetish that might result in physical injury to yourself or someone else, learn to engage in it safely. Talk to others in the fetish community about how to maintain safe sexual practices within your fetish.
Realize that fetishes and kinks are normal.Some researchers believe that fetishes are so common that they should be understood as being part of typical, healthy sexual exploration.Understanding your fetish as normal is an important step to take. If you don't accept your fetish as a normal part of yourself, you're unlikely to enjoy your fetish.
- For many people, the fetish object only needs to be present at the beginning of a sexual encounter.
- A fetish item can be something that you require to be present before becoming sexually aroused, or it might not be required for you to enjoy sex.
Explore your sexuality safely.To enjoy your fetish, remember to keep your sex practices safe, sane and consensual. It's important to remember to take care of yourself and your sexual partner, physically and emotionally.
- Take precautions to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases. You should always use barriers and condoms when appropriate.
- Remember that communication is one of the most important parts of sexual intimacy, particularly when you're experimenting with something, or someone, new. Always communicate when you start to feel unsafe, and immediately respond to another person's indication of discomfort.
Avoid isolation.Isolation is the most common cause of depression associated with fetishes. If you don't find others engaged in your type of sexual fetish online, don't give up. Not every fetish group is found online. Visual images work well for some kinds of fetishes, but not others.
- Some sorts of fetishes, such as diaper fetishes, are more taboo than others in contemporary American culture. If you have a taboo fetish, you're at higher than average risk for isolation and depression.
- Remember that your sexuality is about more than your fetish. While your fetish may be an important factor of sexual fulfillment, it is not your identity.
- Sexual frustration can result in depression. Talking to a sex-positive counselor or therapist may help you find support.
Communicating About Your Fetish
Introduce the topic of your fetish.If you're just meeting a new person, you might not want to introduce the topic on your first date, unless you've met through a special interest dating site. If you're already in a relationship and would like to introduce your fetish to your partner, start slowly. Talk about your fetish with acceptance. If you treat your fetish as a normal, safe experience, this increases the chance of your partner's accepting it this way too.
- Your partner may already be aware of your interests, or she may not be.
- Depending on the dynamics of your relationship, you may want to set aside time for a lengthy conversation on the fetish.
Take it slowly.Your partner may need some time and privacy to process the new information. Don't expect immediate understanding - though this might happen! Instead, follow your partner's lead. Allow your partner to understand your fetish at her own rate of speed.
- Don't be ashamed. If you feel ashamed, you'll be sending a mixed message to your partner, and it will result in harm to your own self-esteem. There's nothing to be ashamed about.
- You don't have to defend your fetish to anyone, so don't get defensive. Having a fetish is normal and natural.
Listen with understanding.Remember that you've already come to accept your fetish, which was likely a process. Your partner now has the opportunity to accept your fetish too. She might also reveal fetishes or sexual interests of her own. Allowing yourself to listen openly to her concerns, questions and reactions will help strengthen your relationship.
- If your partner refuses to talk about your fetish, give it time. She may just need time to process, or she may be in denial.
- Discussing fetishes might make some people nervous. Never force the conversation.
Ask questions.Your partner may not know how to ask questions about your fetish. You can be supportive by asking questions of her. For instance, learn more about her fears or curiosities about your fetish by asking questions. Don't assume that the questions must come from your partner.
- Show her some online information that she can continue to explore on her own.
- Remember, she may not know how to put her thoughts and feelings about your fetish into words. This will take time, but you can help through asking your own questions.
Never force your fetish on anyone else.Consent is essential in a healthy relationship. If you have different sexual needs than your partners, recognize this and seek alternatives.
- A therapist or counselor may be able to help you through this juncture of your relationship.
- Most sex-positive therapist support adapting the relationship to the needs of the person with the fetish rather than working to eliminate the fetish itself.
QuestionHow do I tell my parents I have a fetish?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerYou don't. Ever. That's not a conversation I would recommend having. They don't need to know about your sex life.Thanks!
QuestionHow do I approach a female friend about my foot fetish?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerBroach the topic of fetishes, and if she seems open to it, talk more specifically about foot fetishes. If she seems uninterested or disgusted by foot fetishes, don't go further. However, if she is not put off by a conversation about foot fetishes, you can tell her about yours.Thanks!
QuestionIs it wrong for me to be lesbian and have a nylon bobby sock fetish?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerNo. Neither of those things is wrong, nor are they wrong in conjunction with each other.Thanks!
QuestionMy friend has a scat fetish. Should I accept this, or try get him help?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIt really isn't any of your business. Leave him alone unless he asks for help.Thanks!
QuestionIs it normal to have an inflation fetish?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIt might not be "normal," but it's not as uncommon as you might think.Thanks!
QuestionHow can I safely practice a fetish without anyone finding out?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerYou can just practice it in the comfort of your own home. If you need help or want to talk to people with the same fetish, I would suggest finding an online community centered on that fetish.Thanks!
QuestionIs incest fantasy considered a fetish? Is it an unacceptable one?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerYes, it would be considered a fetish. If it is acceptable to you, there is no harm in it. If you feel it may be creating an issue, perhaps you should see a counselor about it.Thanks!
QuestionWhat do I do if a girl doesn't accept my fetishes?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIf she does not accept it or is disgusted by your fetishes, you may have to search for someone else who is not turned off by it, or even better has the same fetish. If you stay with this girl, you won't be able to practice your activities and may get bored.Thanks!
QuestionwikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerTry online dating. State your fetish in your bio so anyone that swipes right knows what they are getting into.Thanks!
QuestionHow can I get over a tickle fetish?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIt won't be easy, but try to avoid thinking about it. You could also try to associate tickling with something that turns you off and think about that every time tickling occurs.Thanks!
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- If you and your partner are uncomfortable talking about your fetish, consider counseling from a sex-positive therapist.
- If your fetish is illegal or harmful to others, talk to a therapist or psychologist for help.
- If you feel strong distress regarding your fetish, you may need to speak with a counselor, therapist or psychologist. Paraphilic disorder is a psychological disorder with 8 listed manifestations. A fetish is only listed as a psychological disorder if it causes distress to the person or harms another.
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