5 Keys to Winning a Woman's Heart
How to Win a Girl Over
Nervous around the ladies? If you want to learn how to keep it cool and win the affections of a particular girl, you can learn how. Learn the right way to get to know a girl and form a strong bond. Learn how to strike up conversations and get to know her better. And learn to put a little electric spark in your flirting.
Getting to Know Her
Just start saying hello.Got your eye on someone? Winning someone over doesn't need to be super-complicated. If you want a girl to start noticing that you exist, just start saying hello. When you pass in the hallway between classes, make eye contact and say, "Hey!" Smile and give a little wave. She'll get the hint.
- You don't even have to say anything. Just start smiling when you see her coming. This will always be appreciated.
- Use her name. Hearing your own name called helps people feel validated and secure. It's like a little compliment every time. When you see her, say her name often.
- If you've never seen this girl before and want to approach her, just go up and say hello, then start a conversation.
Start striking up conversations.After she's aware of your presence, strike up a conversation. Lead with something interesting and specific, or talk about something you know you've got in common.
- Be funny. Lead with something that will break the ice: "I'm thinking of cutting gym and renting a Cadillac to drive to Mexico. What do you say? I need an accomplice."
- Talk about something you've got in common. If you see a girl out at a bar or restaurant, say, "Isn't this place great? What do you think? Have you been here before?" If you have class together, ask her about how she did on the last test, or how she feels about the readings.
- Avoid "closed" questions that won't give you anything to talk about. If you say, "What's up?" or "Hows it going?" that conversation is going nowhere.
Find an excuse to hang out one-on-one.Getting to know someone is tough in a group setting. If you want to get to know her better, try to find an excuse to talk, just the two of you. Make it a regular thing.
- If you start talking to a girl while you're out somewhere, ask if she wants to move into a booth, or stand outside and talk for a while. "Want to talk outside so we can hear each other? I want to hear what you have to say."
- Sit next to her at lunch, or on the bus, or chat her up in the hallway while she's walking to class. If you both walk home from school together, walk together.
Slow down.Want to "win" a girl over? Spend time getting to know her and becoming her friend first. Lots of guys complain about getting lost in the "Friend Zone." News flash: Girls are either attracted to someone, or they aren't. The more time you spend with someone, the more feelings will develop. It may not initially be the romantic feelings, but it may soon develop into something more than just "hanging out."
- It's good to be proactive when you're ready. Girls like it when you ask them out first. If you are shy or scared of rejection, just take it easy. If you like a girl and want to win her over, just ask her to hang out and spend more time with her.
Talking to Her
Ask her questions about her interests.Everyone wants to be made to feel comfortable and at ease with a potential partner, or date. If you want to put a girl at ease, get her talking. How? Ask her open-ended questions about her interests. Get to know her hopes and dreams, and her desires. Learn everything you can about her.
- Look for open doors in things that she talks about. If she mentions off-hand that she hated watching the new Avengers movie, ask her what kind of movies she likes. If she says, "Horror" ask, "What do you like about those movies?" Keep her talking, and keep it positive.
- Ask open-ended questions always. Don't ask questions that have one-word, "yes or no" answers.
Give her your undivided attention.When you're together, be together. Show her that she matters to you by putting away distractions when you're together. If you're looking over her shoulder and trying to eavesdrop on another conversation, or are distracted by your phone, she'll feel like second fiddle.
- If she's speaking in a group, direct your attention to her. Even if others are trying to talk over her, she'll appreciate that fact that you care about what she has to say.
Listen actively.Making conversation involves connecting. To find common interests, you have to actually listen when she talks, respond to what she says, and give her the time of day. You can't just fake your way through a relationship. You have to really listen and get to know her.
- Make eye contact when she's talking. Nod your head when she says something you agree with. Summarize her points when she's talking and prompt her to say more. Be a good listener.
Text her promptly.Lots of guys have an idea that waiting to text, call, or email shows that you're "hard to get" and it makes you attractive. Really, it just makes it look like you watch too many rom-coms. Want to win a girl over? Text her when you notice that she's texted you. Respond to a call or an email when you see it. Don't try to put her on ice to show that you're cool.
- At the same time, it's important to avoid over-texting someone. If you see she hasn't responded right away to something that you've said, don't blast off 50 more texts asking, "Hey? You there?" Give her some space and chill.
Let your sense of humor through.One of the key components to attraction is sharing a sense of humor. Recent studies show that guys who try to be funny are always more attractive than very serious or very stoic guys, when courting women.Even if your joke falls flat, it's typically a good idea to try to show that you like to laugh.
Be supportive.Be on her side. If she's wrong about something, or struggling, tell her gently and keep her best interest at heart. If she's right, encourage her to do what makes her happy. When she's sad, be there for her and let her know that you are there for her. Let her know she can talk about anything with you.
Have positive energy.Positivity is attractive. When you're together, try your best to keep things light and fun instead of serious and dramatic. Focus less on complaining about things together and more on focusing on the good. Being together should be fun.
- When you're around her, don't be someone who hates on others and brings others down. Be someone who appreciates things and her, so when she's around you she'll feel better about herself and the life around her.
Tease her gently.Some studies show that teasing a woman gently can increase the electricity of attraction.Respect a woman's intelligence by treating her like a regular person, not something to be put on a pedestal.
- Be kind. "Teasing" doesn't mean "being mean." It's one thing to say something teasing, like, "I saw all those selfies you put up on Facebook today. And I'm being totally serious when I say this: Your room is a huge mess." It's another to say, "I saw all those selfies you put up on Facebook today. That's pretty vain. Do you really like attention from guys?"
Go easy on the compliments.Everyone likes a good compliment now and again. But if you start doing nothing but compliment a girl's appearance every time you see her, it's going to grow tiresome quickly. Just as tiresome as the "Hey-what's-up-not-much" conversation.
- Compliment her appearance, sparingly. Focus on choices that she makes, not physical attributes. Say, "That dress looks really good on you" instead of saying, "Your body is really sexy." Attraction is nice, but if she thinks that all you care about is how beautiful she is then she'll begin to think you're shallow.
Be respectful.Light touching is sometimes electric and attractive. Brushing a wisp of hair behind a girl's ear, or touching her hand can be an exciting little moment and increase your intimacy. It can also turn a girl off significantly. It's important to read her body language and respond in turn.
- Respect her boundaries. If a woman says no, understand that you should stop right there. If a woman shows signs of disinterest, don't persist. If a woman shows signs of being uncomfortable, stop being a creep. If a woman says she's not into something now or never, respect that and don't try to persuade her into doing anything she doesn't want to.
- Respect her decisions. She wears lots of makeup? Fine. Let her know if it makes her happy then she can go all for it, she looks incredible with or without. She wants to wear wacky clothes that show lots of skin? Okay. It isn't your place to tell her what she can and cannot do.
Don't over-think it.Women aren't prizes to be won or ladders to be climbed. Strictly speaking, you don't "win" a girl. You get to know them, and you form a relationship with them. Sometimes, attraction is there. Sometimes not. If you want to get to know someone better, there's no better way than to go up to her and ask.
- Rejection happens. If you're not right for someone, take it as a good sign. There are lots of other people who you're more compatible with. Don't waste your time on someone you're not right with.
- All girls are different. These strategies may not work all the time.
- If you hit on her and she says she's taken, apologize immediately. Say you didn't know and leave her alone.
- She might give you a fake number instead of a real one, don't sweat it. Just repeat the steps with a new girl.
- If she says no twice, don't persist. If you annoy her, she can get a restraining order. There is a fine line between being interested in someone and stalking them. Don't cross it!
Sources and Citations
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