Things People Should Stop Saying To Women| #CreatorsForChange
This Mom Thinks You Should Stop Saying "No" To Your Kids
When your child teases his sibling or throws a tantrum in the middle of a supermarket, phrases with "no," "don't," or "stop" probably come to mind immediately. "Stop hitting your brother," for instance, seems like the most common sense response when you're trying to get your child to, well, stop hitting his brother. Even if your kid chooses to ignore you (which, let's be honest, is likely) being firm with your language is important. Right?
According to Kara Carrero, a teacher, a blogger, and mother of three, using negative language with your children rarely works the way you want it to. In her own home, she says the word "no" is barely used. But that doesn't mean her children do whatever the want or never get disciplined. If anything, her "parenting without saying no" approach makes her kids more obedient.
While Kara admits that saying "no" is the easiest response, it's not the most effective one because of the way children naturally listen when someone is talking to them.
The way we are hard wired as humans is to listen to the sentence structure. We sometimes hear the first part of a sentence, almost always hear the last part, but rarely hear the middle unless we have our complete attention on the person talking to us. And really, what young child is giving us their undivided attention at all times?
When your child is too close to the stove, for example, saying "Don't go near the stove!" isn't the right response since they're likely to only going to hear the end of the phrase. "Come here now!" or "Move away from there" would be more effective, according to Kara's approach. Your kids will not only be hearing what you want them to, but the instructions are also clearer. "There are a thousand alternatives to 'not' doing something, but only one course of action that should be done when told specifically what to do."
She provides more examples in the chart below.
Kara notes that these examples don't mean that "no" should be banned forever. She simply believes on using it less. "It makes the power of 'no' retain its meaning and creates clear boundaries for children," she says.
Video: 10 Things Christians Should Stop Saying | Jefferson Bethke
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